12 Days of Christmas Grief Relief - Day 5

In the months of years following our son, Mark's death, I clung to the promise of Isaiah 45:2-3, "I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name." I learned that what might seem insignificant to others was often a priceless treasure, designed by God just for me. The purpose of the treasure was not to take away my deep grief, but to remind me that my Father in heaven is the LORD, the God of Israel (MY God) and that He calls me by name. In these treasures I saw His omnipotence, His awesome otherness, so seemingly far removed from me as the Lord of Lords. And I also saw His intimate closeness to my heart, so close that in the billions of people on earth, this God of all gods, calls me by name. The treasures were often words written many years ago by writers long dead. Yet the words were a personal response to questions or comments I had just written in my journal. I KNEW that God was whispering my name, holding me close, letting me see His deep love for me. Sometimes the treasure would be a found priceless memory of Mark, like birthday letters he had written to his dad and me the year he died. And I could feel God's arms wrapped around me, whispering my name, reminding me that though I didn't understand why our son was gone that God knew my broken heart needed that touch from the One who is sovereign and calls me to trust Him. Bev shares such a story with us and as I read it, her experience took me back to those precious moments when God sent me specially designed treasures that reminded me He is my Lord, my God, the One Who calls me by name.

As I lay on my bed grieving the loss of my mother, my mind raced with the events of the last few hours. Haunted, I sobbed remorsefully great crocodile tears of shame and horror at my carelessness. My youngest daughter and I had just searched our house, looking for the most beloved treasure my mother had given me a couple of months before she died. We couldn't find it in any of my usual hiding places. In every closet, under every bed, in the attic among the Christmas decorations, mom's beloved Dresden from Germany was nowhere to be found. I thought I had placed it in a "safe place". I was plagued with the vision of myself dropping it from our porch into the empty garbage can and hearing the crunch of it breaking. I winced and shrugged at the awful noise, and I slammed the lid down on the garbage can and went inside. Had I really done such a thoughtless act? Was I so exhausted from the week that I would throw away the very precious gift that was my mother's favorite treasure? As a teen with many tasks in our home on Saturday, it fell to me to thoroughly and carefully, and with tender care, dust the Dresden. I was mesmerized by it's delicate beauty. Now, it was gone. I had accidentally thrown it away. I prayed for God's forgiveness, and I prayed mom would forgive me for unknowingly discarding the lovely set that held such sweet memories for her.

Sixteen months later, while searching for something in my linen closet, I found a gray box in a plastic bag and I saw the words "Dresden" on them. I held my breath and my heart raced as I cautiously brought out the box. Could it be? I carefully lifted the box top and yes! My mother's treasures rested right where I had carefully wrapped and stored them. I called my daughter, my partner in my search, shouting for joy to let her know that I had found the Dresden. Overcome with joy that God had led me to this priceless treasure, I carefully placed it in my china closet for visible safe keeping, sensing my mother's smile. I can't wait to use it this Christmas, so that when the children come, they can joyfully enjoy a piece of Mammaw's life with me.

God promises to give us treasure in the darkness, designed to help turn our hearts toward Him, to remind us that He is our God and calls us by name. This precious find accomplished all of that and more. As I went about my daily tasks, I couldn't stop smiling as this sweet treasure reminded me of His grace. I had given up hope of having this connection to my mother, concluding my own carelessness had robbed me of her gift. But through God's unexpected mercy He revealed that I hadn't been careless and could be trusted with such a treasure. So many life lessons swirled through my mind as I reveled in His love but mostly I thought of the beauty of God's unmerited favor in surprising me with the gift of His Son as my Savior 37 years ago. He made himself known to me and, undeserving, I reached out, to joyfully learn about this dear Jesus from heaven above who was born into this needy world, to save me from my ugly sins, to teach me about Himself and His Father, to have fellowship with me. And since receiving that priceless treasure, He has trusted me to share His message of redemption, forgiveness of sins for the vilest of sinners, and His hope to the broken-hearted.

I also encourage you to visit the website of Griefshare where you will find more articles on Surviving the Holidays. This is one of the best sites I have found for grieving families: http://www.griefshare.org/holidays/#articles

In His Grip,
Sharon