12 Days of Christmas Grief Relief - Day 9

Three more days until Christmas. If you are grieving, you are counting the days, not because you can't wait for the fun but because you can't wait to put this season behind you. I have good news for you. We have learned that the anticipation of a holiday, birthday, anniversary of the death of our son is often worse than the actual day. We experience relief and freedom once the date comes. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I grabbed Isaiah 45:2-3 as my road map through that foreign country of disease. And when the Land of Grief threatened to destroy me, I came back to this scripture and claimed it as my life verse.

I will go before you and will level the mountains, I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.

And I combined it with Lamentations 3:19-24:
I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."

I could almost hear God saying, "Before the foundation of the world was formed, I created treasures just for you, designed to help turn your heart toward me when I seemed far away, designed to remind you that I am the Lord your God and I am also the One Who calls you by name. These treasures can only be recognized when you are in the darkness, they are stored in secret places, ready to be delivered to you at just the right moment."

I began looking for those treasures every day, trusting that He would keep His promise to give me just the right mercy to get me through the day. I describe this journey in my book, Treasures in Darkness, A Grieving Mother Shares Her Heart.

But in this moment, I remember a special event when I felt hugged by God at Christmas. Our son, Mark, was a drummer, a very good one for a sixteen-year-old boy. That first Christmas without him, we bought each of our children a Lenox drummer boy and that began my tradition of looking for just the right drummer boy ornament or decoration. One year a few days before Christmas I stood in the Christmas display of a popular department store. I had almost hit my limit of Christmas trappings and was about ready to give up finding the traditional ornament. I took a deep breath and looked one more time. Ah! There it was. Perfect. Then came the tears that refused to stay behind my eyes. Oh, how I wanted Mark. Oh how I missed him. And then in the background I heard the music. The Little Drummer Boy. But never had I heard this jazz version. I knew God was sending me a hug with the song but then I felt as though I heard Mark with his characteristic grin say, "It's a little weird being the drummer boy but if I were playing that song, this is the way I would play it!" Did Mark really speak to me? Perhaps not. But for certain God did. That treasure was just enough to free my soul to enjoy the next few days, remembering that He is sovereign and I can trust Him to give me new mercies every morning, designed to remind me that He is the Lord my God, the One Who calls me by name.

In these last few days before Christmas, read Isaiah 45:2-3 and Lamentations 3:19-24. And put your name in the verse, as a love letter from God to you. And look for your treasures.

May you experience such treasures that your heart turns toward Him and you are free to enjoy the salvation Jesus came to give.

I also encourage you to visit the website of Griefshare where you will find more articles on Surviving the Holidays. This is one of the best sites I have found for grieving families: http://www.griefshare.org/holidays/#articles

In His Grip,
Sharon