But I Did Everything Right!
Related Categories: God's will,Disappointment with God
Can you relate to this woman's description of her grave disappointment with a turn in her life that took her in a totally different direction than she wanted to go?
Funny how when people ask me, 'Why would God do that?' my first gut reaction is to impatiently retort, 'just trust Him, He knows better than you do, and He has a plan...' but now that I'm in this situation where my friend and I did EVERYTHING RIGHT and nothing is going the way we hoped, all I can think is, 'how would it not work out? We did everything right!' Knowing He knows me better than I do, and He has a better plan, well that doesn't really make it easy, and certainly doesn't bring me comfort right now...
This is my edited response. As one who tried to do "everything right" and then faced the loss of her son, I feel your pain in wrestling with God. Remember that you did everything right in order to determine God's purposes and plans for your life. Apparently the process you chose is indicating that at least for now, God's plan is different than your desire. God is using the process you chose to answer your prayers. Doing everything right doesn't always give us the result we were hoping for. When it doesn't we find out just how submitted we really are to the sovereignty of God. It's easy to challenge others to trust Him when the desires of our heart are all in place and obeying God is uncomplicated. Submission when His practical plans take us in a different direction, well, that challenges our natural response and is an opportunity for God to transform our minds into His mind. And the battle is even more fierce when we like to be in control and are accustomed to getting what we want!
It will take time for the inflammation to go down so that real healing can begin. And yet, when the inflammation goes down, the real pain sets in.
You remember Job's devastation when everything he loved was taken from him. Though we often hear about the patience of Job, a closer look at his response to deep loss reveals a man who wrestled with God in order to rest in His sovereignty. Job actually states that it's his wrestling that brings him into the presence of God. I have found that when I'm wrestling with disappointment, there is an intimacy with Christ that far surpasses the intimacy I feel when all is well with the world. It's not a place I enjoy, but I miss it when my wrestling is resolved. Hard to explain but if you don't know what I mean right now, you will because your ultimate passion is to reflect God's glory in all you do.
You are not comforted by God's sovereignty at this moment, but you will be, because it's only in His sovereignty that life makes sense - when life doesn't make sense.
I'm so sad you are hurting when it seems life should be so perfect. Yet, I'm also kind of glad because I know the pain will give you exactly what your ultimate hunger is - your pain will drive you into the heart of God. He isn't afraid of your confusion or your disappointment with Him, in fact He invites your questions and encourages you to crawl right up into His lap and let Him hold you tightly while you pound on His chest. There's comfort in that picture - and oh by the way, if you feel like His lap is a little crowded at times, well, that elbow in your side is probably mine!
In His Grip,
Sharon
I haven’t lost a son, however, as someone who is very independent I can very much relate to wrestling with God. Yes, wrestling with God can be a very painful process and one I myself seem to face quite often. Yet, as you stated, once the wrestling is over I somewhat miss it since those struggles seem to bring me that much closer to God and more closely in line with His will. It seems to be most painful at times when I do feel like I am doing everything right and according to His will then along comes that 180 degree turn that knocks the wind out of me. I often question if I am where he wants me to be and doing what he wants me to do. It is then that I struggle with just going with the flow and trusting in Him instead of taking control of the helm and ‘forcing’ the course once again in the direction of ‘my’ plan. Although, I have to say that I chuckle when I even mention ‘my’ plan since I know and accept how imperfect it is compared to His plan. Yet, strong will and all, I repeatedly continue to try and re-direct the course in my own direction again and again. Thank you God for your never-ending patience!
I think that God throws more of a challenge to those who have been really obediant. As mothers, don't we give more responsibility and life challenges to our children as they mature and prove to us they can handle it. At 41, I'm presently going through the transition of becoming the responsible parent of my quickly aging mother. I'd love to share with Sharon (or anyone who's interested, what God has taught me during this struggle. I think it could be helpful information for those women entering older adulthood. Susan
Good Morning, Susan! We need to hear these life lessons from you! Let's talk!
