Not for Another Woman

Adultery, Forgiveness and Redemption. Why would anyone agree to participate in an interview on that topic? Because of their worldview. They believe that every circumstance and gift in their lives is a sacrifice of praise to give back to God for Him to use whatever way He desires to help His children grow in grace. A few days ago I interviewed such a woman, Sue Jakes. Sue is a trophy of God's grace, a woman who has experienced what has been called the worst pain a human being can inflict on another human being: the betrayal of adultery. MARKINC Ministries is producing this CD resource as part of our Learning to See When the Lights Go Out

Over the next week I'll share some of my thoughts about Sue's story and some key points that I hope will encourage women who have suffered this betrayal. I was deeply saddened to learn that 60% of married couples will be impacted by the anguish of this great sorrow. It is one of the last secret sins that the church finds difficult to address. In fact, when Chuck preached a series of sermons titled Anatomy of Adultery, several people left our church, saying they didn't want to hear such stuff from the pulpit. If the stats are true, 60% of those sitting in the pews of our churches have heard such stuff in their own homes. If this is the worst pain one human being can inflict on another, then surely couples should do everything they can to protect themselves from this betrayal. Chuck confronted the sin and then taught from scripture how to fight the temptation of infidelity. Every couple should listen and apply these messages.

Sue shared some of the nuggets her counselor told her that helped her regain her confidence and courage to build a life that reflects Christ in every way. She agreed that adultery is the worst pain because it is rejection by the one person who has promised to love, honor and protect you. If this person rejects you in such a profound way, how can you ever trust another human being? A core truth that helped Sue regain her stability was that her husband did not leave her for another woman. He left her for himself. Let me repeat that. If your husband has committed adultery, he did not leave you for another woman. He left you for himself. He chose his own pleasure and selfish desires as primary, more important than the life of any other person.

Adultery is an addiction to self-pleasure. That's why an adulterer who is repentant must give up all contact with the other person. It's like a drug-addict coming off of drugs. That drug-addict must commit to never using another drug. The alcohol addicted person must commit to never taking another alcoholic drink; the addicted smoker must commit to never putting another cigarette between their lips. An adulterer must commit to absolutely no contact with the co-adulterer. Even a little contact will make it impossible for the adulterer to repent.

Those of you who have never experienced adultery may think I am being hard hearted, unreasonable, and unrealistic. God's Word is just as hard. Read Proverbs 5, 6, and 7. Hear the father pleading with his son to stay away from the wayward woman and to turn toward the wife of his youth. This father is explicit in the downward spiral of adultery. The end is death.

Like most women who feel the sorrow of adultery, Sue tried to identify what she did to cause her husband to turn to another woman. What could she do differently to keep him now? Her wise counselor responded, "There are many women who are terrible wives and their husbands don't commit adultery. There are many women who are almost perfect wives and their husbands commit adultery. His sin is his sin."

In my next post I will share the scripture that Sue and her family chose as their core truth, the grid through which they viewed this journey and guided them in their responses to the painful circumstances.

May you experience God's sweet presence as you choose to live life through the grid that God is sovereign and you can trust Him.

In His grip,
Sharon