Encouragement in the Wilderness of Suffering - Part 3
Related Categories: Grief,Encouragement
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Faithful friends with servant's hands not only encouraged me to keep moving but came alongside to help me do so. One special friend called every week to decide what project we would work on to get our house ready for our daughter's December wedding. She came alongside to help make decisions, paint, paper, redecorate. One day she organized a group of about ten people who did a summer's worth of yard work while others painted kitchen cabinets. They looked around, saw what needed to be done, and did it. They understood that we had no idea of what our needs were. They didn't say, "Call me if you need me." Most bereaved people will not respond to that message. It isn't that we aren't grateful. It's just that we are on emotional overload. Every bit of energy is being used for survival.
Friends stayed with us through the night of the accident and the days following. They prayed and wept with us, kept the coffee going, and made sure there was food in the house, plenty of paper goods, tissues in every room, and cold wet cloths for our faces. They kept lists of gifts, phone calls, and messages. They ironed shirts, put away clean clothes, took out the trash, watered and ran the dogs and watered the flower beds. All without asking what we needed them to do.
Others realized that we needed to be in charge of details concerning Mark, and they brought those decisions to us rather than making them for us.
Some people prefer privacy in their grief, but for us the constant flow of friends to our home satisfied our need for a physical expression of God's love. We needed to see their tears, feel their hugs, see the agony in their faces. Beautiful flowers and plants reminded us of the beauty of our son - now serving God in heaven. Parents who had lost children stepped back into their own pain to give us hope. Friends helped clean Mark's room and were with me when I found his prayer journal, further affirmation of his walk with Christ.
Galatians tells us to bear one another's burden so that we can bear our own burdens. IN the first few months of our grief, the body of Christ swept us up and carried us along. We were powerless to carry ourselves. Now as a result of their encouragement and strength, we are able to bear our own burdens.
After Mark's death, I questioned the sufficiency of God to help us survive. But God, in His grace, provided members of His body who believed in His sufficiency for us when we could not believe it for ourselves.
Grief is terrifying both to those experiencing it and those who have to watch it happen. We want to make it go away, but the Bible tells us there is a time to grieve. It is a natural process that leads to healing and wholeness.
Wise encouragers know they are there to facilitate the process, not stop it. For people who are problem solvers, this is a hard assignment. An understanding of God's sovereignty equips us for this job. Although circumstances do not make sense, God does, and He will supply whatever His children need.
From Treasures of Encouragement,Women Helping Women in the Church, pages 193 - 194.
What's your encouragement story?
May God give you a deepening sense of His presence as you offer His treasures of encouragement to others.
In His grip,
Sharon
life comes through blood, sweat and tears and I am sometimes shocked by the supernatural strength God gives us to make such hard choices. For my sisters who are deep and fresh in grief, struggling to walk by faith in broken places, trying to offer encouragement to family and friends who have been thrown into the throes of sorrow, soak in 2 Peter 1:3 - 10. I camped in this passage in my own grief journey and just this morning God took me back to it because of the waves of sorrow that crash over me unexpectedly, especially at this time of year. On those days when I could barely get out of bed, God reminded me through this passage that He had given me everything I need to reflect redemption. And so, by faith and His strength, I put one foot on the floor, sometimes crawling, but still moving, and forced myself to trust that promise. He exhorts me to extend every effort to add to my faith specific character qualities. And then he exclaims that if I lack these qualities as a child of God, I am near-sighted, seeing only what is in front of me (death, disease, calamity, spilled milk, broken relationships, disobedient children, traffic jams, etc.) and I have become oblivious to the fact that I am a daughter of the King, cleansed from sin. Go back and re-read that sentence. When I struggle to trust Him and get stuck in sin, I see only the struggle in front of me, I forget whose I am and what my Father has done for me. So when I am stuck in my sorrow or sin and I wonder why it's so hard, Peter challenges me to remember the love of God that has cleansed me from sin and to remember who I am in Jesus. Again, a disclaimer, this is not easy. Sometimes it is minute by minute, no, second by second, choosing by faith to trust the precious promises Peter mentions in this passage. For those who are fresh in grief, don't beat yourself up over how hard this pathway is. It is like being in a meat grinder or having major surgery without anesthesia. Grief is a marathon of hard, hard labor. At first when I felt pushed into the abyss, I was terrified because I was afraid I would never climb back out. I learned that the hard periods grow shorter. Fifteen years later, I am surprised every "anniversary" when the tears won't stop. How can it be that I haven't talked to my youngest child in fifteen years? It's outrageous. Choosing life is harder on some days than others. Grief is war and the sacrifices of praise are often covered with blood, sweat and tears. Chuck often said that we were like two wounded soldiers trying to help each other crawl off the battle field. Wounded sisters, listen to this wounded veteran of the Grief War who walks with an obvious limp. Fight the despair and depression. Get up out of bed and move. Choose life and know that you are in His grip. He will never let you go.
Judy, especially when I see glimpses of her sweet, gentle spirit in her girls and our grandchildren. I held back tears this morning when I sent a Mother's Day email card to my two daughters-in-law, who have missed their mother, Judy, since her death in 1989.
For me, this is a day of choices that are more easily made than they were in 1994. It's a day I miss my son but no more than I typically miss him. And it's a day I thank God for the blessings of sixteen years with Mark. Today I will choose a rose bush to plant in his name, as I have every year since his Homegoing. Last year the rose's name was Lasting Peace. This year, I hope to find one that reminds me of God's faithful love.
died a few months ago. I think of the mom who took her own life and the one who faces her first Mother's Day after a miscarriage. I think of the mom whose daughter refuses to surrender to God's love and intentionally hurts her mother at every opportunity.
