"Oh, by the way, this gift covers Valentine's Day, too!" Chuck exclaimed mischievously. He had just given me an Anniversary gift that I envisioned would one day be a family heirloom, worn by a great, great granddaughter on her wedding day. It was that special. He's more romantic in a cultural way than he likes to admit. So I rolled my eyes at his reminder that he hates Valentine's Day. From the time we were married he has stood firm that he doesn't need marketing guru's to tell him how to say "I love you" to his wife. My most recent retort to his proclamation was, "You should be grateful for every opportunity to tell me you love me!" He just laughed.

News stories and headlines might lead us to believe that a faithful man is hard to find. Mention Mark Sanford, John Edwards, Tiger Woods and even the biblical David and our first thought is their infidelity. I heard a "man on the street" interview with two people where they were asked what they thought about Tiger Woods' secret adulterous life. I was shocked to hear both the man and a married woman give a similar response, "He's an attractive man, wealthy, well-known. There are lots of women who want him, so, of course, he can't help what he did." The interviewer tried every which way to get them to say Tiger Woods is responsible for his choices and he made the wrong one. They refused to hold him accountable.

Such responses could lead listeners to believe that such thinking is prevalent in our culture. Perhaps. But I want to celebrate the millions of men who take seriously the vows they made to their wives. Who refuse to take advantage of willing women and give in to temptation. I intend to use Valentine's Day to showcase my own faithful husband and remember some of the ways he has loved me. Real romance is not flowers, diamonds, jewelry and surprise trips. Sure, those are fun and we enjoy those moments but unless real romance reigns in every day interaction, these are just temporary baubles that will quickly fade. Perhaps my musings will encourage other wives to celebrate the mundane along with the majestic demonstrations of their husband's love. Remember and recapture the real romance in your marriage.

Right before our first Easter as a married couple, I found six beautiful tulips in the front seat of my car. Chuck, not only were you saying, I love you, but those tulips symbolized your joy in meeting Jesus a few days before Easter the year before. It's as though you were saying that you were committed to building our marriage on your relationship to Jesus. How safe I felt. Do you remember those tulips? I do.

I was the main breadwinner when we were first married so that you could finish college. You promised that as soon as you got a job, we would start a family and I could quit. Right after we moved into our first parsonage, you reminded me of that promise and soon we were expecting our first child. I was so sick with that pregnancy I couldn't stand the scent of any food or even wash dishes. When our pastor came to visit, I begged you not to bring him to our home because every counter was filled with dirty dishes. You said you would take care of it. I came downstairs and found a clean kitchen. You had put every dirty dish back in the cabinets - still dirty. After entertaining our guest, though we were very poor, you bought a portable dishwasher and took care of the mess. You said you hated washing dishes and didn't want me to have to wash them either. Do you remember? I do!

You brought a seminary friend home to have lunch with us and found me in tears. An older woman in the church had criticized you to me and I was undone. You marched across the street to the women's meeting in progress and told them that they were never to speak evil of you or the church to me again. You set the stage for appropriate conflict resolution in the church as well as how you expected them to treat me. Do you remember? I do.

One day you asked me how a doctor's appointment went. I started crying and said, "My doctor says I'm in a deep depression and need to get away from the church responsibilities. I told her that was impossible." You immediately cancelled all of our meetings, called the chairman of the board and told him you and I were taking off for a few days and you weren't sure when we would be back. Do you remember? I do.

Years later I left church, too distraught to stay. You found a ride home and a wife who couldn't stop crying. I felt unsafe and broken by the church conflict. You laid on the bed with me and told me to read a scripture passage out loud where Jesus told the waves to be still. I cried harder as you assured me that God was in control and that you would keep your promise that you would never put church business ahead of our family. You immediately called a pastoral search committee and asked to be considered for the position of pastor of a small church plant. You had previously told me you had no interest in starting over. But soon, we were embraced by the loving congregation of Glasgow Reformed Presbyterian Church, where you are still the pastor. Do you remember making those decisions through the grid of your love for me and our children? I do.

A year later we learned I had life-threatening breast cancer. Treatment for the disease ravaged my body and emotions yet I never felt more loved by you. As you left my hospital room one night, you heard a Code Blue called on my floor. Within minutes you returned to stay with me while doctors tried to save another patient's life. Another night you called me after going home and said, "I was listening to music on the radio and wanted you to listen to the same music because it makes me think about you." Do you remember? I do.

I learned early on that I have to be careful when I mention things I like or would like to have. Because before long, I know you will find a way to satisfy that desire. A few months ago I said I wanted to paint our colonial blue trim white. You responded, "Do you know how much work that will be? I thought blue was your favorite color. No, we're not painting." I never mentioned it again because I knew you were right. It was fine the way it was. A few weeks ago, you told me to pick out new paint for the sunroom and dining room. Do you remember all the times you've surprised me with such unexpected decisions? I do.

You go to work every day (for over forty years) to provide for your family. You regularly pay the bills and make sure our home and cars are maintained. You plow the garden even though you know that by mid-summer weeds will reign. At my request you add flower beds and bushes and encourage me to decorate our home the way I like. Do you realize how safe such care makes me feel? I do not take for granted your faithful love.

Every decision you have made throughout our marriage has centered on meeting the needs of our children and me. You bought a station wagon when I know you longed for a sports car. You sacrificed your own desires to provide a Christian education for our children. I cherish the memory of you wrestling on the floor with our children and backyard catches with the boys, teaching Mark how to kick a football and talking him through his times at bat. How you slept with Heidi after she came into our bedroom crying, unable to get the vision of a terrifying movie out of her head. The hours you spent chauffeuring the kids to music lessons and sports activities. I love how you split your work schedule so that you never missed a game or concert. How you just walking into a room filled with fear makes me feel safe. This is just a tiny list of the many ways your faithful love creates the fabric of our lives.

Now our adult children are creating homes that reflect the same faithful love. Our sons and son-in-law adore their wives and cherish their children. They work hard to provide for their families. They reflect their love for Christ in the way they approach every day tasks. I see your fingerprints all over their lives.

There is a faithfulness that is day in and day out. It's what happens in the mundane moments of life that creates a majestic legacy of faith.

How do I love thee, my husband? I cannot count the many ways. But know this, I am committed to loving you more every day so that the last season of our life is even more exciting than the first seasons.

I don't need Valentine's Day to say I love you. But I will take advantage of this opportunity to declare to anyone who reads this that I do.

In His Grip with you,
Sharon

When Chuck and I were first married I subscribed to a magazine called, Marriage Partnership. I loved being married and wanted to know every practical way I could demonstrate how much I loved my husband. Now you can pick up some of those practical ideas by visiting the website of http://www.christianitytoday.com/mp/

And in keeping with our Simply Christmas Treasures of Encouragement theme, take a few minutes to read this article on their site: Downscaling Christmas.

I'd love to hear your ideas for simplifying Christmas. How do you do it?

In His Grip,
Sharon

The assignment was simple: Identify one activity or goal on your "bucket list" for 2009 for your marriage and share it with the group at our final gathering. Our married couples class had been meeting every Sunday morning for several months and we had addressed some basic but at times difficult issues. This was our first Date Night at the Betters and the atmosphere was casual and expectant. One topic led to another until Chuck said, "Ok, let's hear your bucket list goals for 2009." Each spouse shared, some cryptically, others with abandon: better communication, getting priorities on the same page, dealing with a specific sin issue, cultivating closer relationships with extended family, having more "fun!"

When Chuck and I reviewed the evening discussion later, we realized that unless each of us mapped out a plan for accomplishing our goals, it was likely we could meet in December and we all would have the same goals for 2010 because the tyrannical needs of urgent every day life would cancel out addressing the important tasks on our marriage bucket lists. For example, if I want to have a closer relationship with Chuck, I need to plan ways I will cultivate that relationship, i.e. date nights, praying together every day, calling him just because. If I want to find a better way to communicate, I will plan time for communicating, study him to determine how he responds to facial expressions and tones of voice. In other words, I will be intentional. Building a strong, godly marriage requires planning, hard work, humility, planning - yes, I said planning twice!

I recently reviewed my two "bucket lists." I have one for 2009 and one for the rest of my life. I wrote about this bucket list in a previous blog post. I concluded that unless I wrote out a plan for accomplishing my goals, I would come to January, 2010, and write out the exact same list. Forcing myself to carefully consider my goals revealed that I absolutely must give up other activities if I am to be successful in experiencing the joy of successfully fulfilling these dreams.

Bucket lists are for people who recognize life is short, that at any moment, we can "kick the bucket!" We want to make sure we are using the gift of time in a way that has an eternal purpose. Making a list and checking it twice, and again and again, confronts me with choices and gives me the opportunity to decide exactly what is important enough for my time and effort.

After reviewing my lists, I am pretty sure I still want to accomplish every item, some in 2009, others before I "kick the bucket." I'm working on a plan so that I can intentionally cross off accomplished goals, one at a time. Or I can adjust the list as real life adjusts my priorities.

How about you? What's on your bucket list? And how will you make it happen?

In His Grip,
Sharon