Posted At : December 13, 2008 7:00 AM | Posted By : Sharon Betters
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Parenting
How do you enfold a child into your family when their heart longs for the mom who isn't there? In this post, our
daughter, Heidi, shares some of her experiences in raising our grandson, Cori. Cori is now in the Navy and every time we gather as a family, we miss his presence and look forward to his return. He's a strong, young man with a bright future, deeply missed by his brothers and sisters. Perhaps Heidi's hard-learned lessons will help you avoid some of the pitfalls of raising a child whose heart belongs to another.
Removing "Step" from "Child" as Christmas
By Heidi Nequist
My experience as a step-mom has been an amazing roller coaster ride. There was so much I did wrong and so much I would change. Somehow, God's grace has covered a multitude of my mistakes. Cori was 18 months when I met my husband, Greg; so I have always been in Cori's life. Every Christmas and every other summer he would come to Delaware from the time he was three years old. "Dad" and "Heidi" went together. We hardly ever used the word "step". We were an instant family. We did the typical "shared custody" for several years. At the age of 11, he stopped visiting his mother altogether. That was when it got VERY interesting. I was no longer a "part time" Mom to Cori. I was IT. Cori even started to call me "Mom". I was battling a force much stronger than any I had ever experienced; the force of another mom, Cori's mom, in my home. The hardest times in Cori's life were the holidays. From about Halloween through Valentine's Day, Cori suffered in silence. It took us several years of changed behavior for us to figure out what the issue was. Cori missed his mom, and as hard as I tried, I didn't cut it. The tie from a child to his mother is like no other. The typical blended family rules didn't apply to us in that I wasn't "sharing" custody. But, I was definitely sharing. There were things I could have done to help Cori, and the rest of our family, through the holiday season. The sullen looks from Cori and the irritation I felt from his behavior could have been improved. People always say that Christmas is a time for children, but for a "step-child", these magical days are sometimes painful. Here are some things about Christmas with a "step-child" I wish I had learned early on. You can read Heidi's insights by visiting her blog at:
http://www.heidinequist.blogspot.com/
In His Grip,
Sharon