These are words to a song I sang over and over in prayer to God. I was consumed with worry...begging God to please save my husband NOW! Patience was not part of my vocabulary. I thought patience was needed for standing in a really long line.

What does patience have to do with KINDNESS? Impatient for my husband to come to Christ, I became a master manipulator. There's nothing kind about manipulation. I placed my son on a baseball team whose coach was a pastor - then the preacher could lead my husband to Christ. Or the time a Christian man needed my husband's help - and I asked him to share the gospel with my husband. I tried to line things up so that God could easily and quickly save my husband.

God saw my heartache, and my effort, and He gave me a friend who said asked, "Who are you to tell God His timing isn't perfect, that He needs to rush anything because of your impatience! Don’t you think your impatience in the way you treat your husband?"

During my quiet time I read Romans 8:25, "But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." I wasn't used to surrendering anything, yet I knew God was calling me to do just that. But how do I do this – going from actively manipulating circumstances – to waiting patiently?

I convinced myself that I didn’t need to love my husband until he was a believer – like me. Arrogant, huh? And not very kind to my husband or my children.

Through other women I learned hope, insight, and empowerment– not a "To Do List" –to live out with confidence God's calling on my life. Through scripture and godly friends, God revealed my impatience and intolerance of my husband. Since my husband is not spiritual, I should not expect him to act that way or to understand my thinking. I wanted to change him to how I thought he should be and then I would love him the way he deserved. But...God was showing me through the His Word that He is calling me to love and respect my husband as he is now, not to withhold love until he became what I wanted. I have learned the importance of being patient – with him and as I wait for him to come to Christ.

My children planted seeds in flower pots and were waiting for them to grow. My daughter's pot was accidentally knocked over and spilled most of the seeds. We weren’t sure if any had actually been planted. While they waited, my son was excited and eager because he knew without a doubt his seeds were planted, would eventually take root, and become flowers.

My daughter was not eager and had no expectation of any growth. She felt hopeless. However, after some time, flowers did grow in both of their pots. Through that God showed me I could wait without any hope, or wait for Him and believe with eager anticipation that seeds are being planted.

James 5:7-8 says, "Be patient, then, [sisters], until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord's coming is near.”

By resting in God's good timing, I am learning to wait patiently. In in God's class room, He has taught me that the greatest kindness I can extend to my husband is to love him the way my God has equipped me to do so. And my sweet husband welcomes that kind of loving with open arms and open heart!

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