Dear Dr. Betters,
Please help me. How do I go on when my marriage of 15 years is dissolving. I have just been informed by my husband that he is "out of love." He loves me like the mother of his kids but has stayed with me all these years because of them. What do I do? What can I do?

Pastor Betters responds:

If you have not already done so, you need to give your heart to Christ and receive from Him the free gift of eternal life through faith in what He did on the cross for you. If you do not know what it means to give your heart to Christ, please read The Good News on this site.

To hear that your husband does not love you is shattering and the impact of such words is far reaching. You will have to work hard to focus on who you are in Christ and to find meaning and purpose in a personal relationship to Him alone. Our happiness and joy is not to be dependent upon other people but instead we are to submit ourselves to the sovereignty of God and His personal love for His children. You can trust Him. You ask what you can do. Going through this experience under any circumstances is horrific. But going through them alone is even worse. God has provided His people as a safe place for broken hearts and as a means to help us carry our burdens so that one day we can help others carry theirs. You need to become a part of a Bible teaching and preaching church where they believe the Bible is the inerrant word of the living God. Look for a church that displays practical love for the people. Join a women's Bible study and gather around you other women who can support you in this time of need. Soak in 1 Peter 3:1-6 and ask God to help you practice these instructions. Learn to live before your husband a Godly and holy life in such a way that he will see the love of Christ in you. Understand that even though you may be walking by faith and displaying the love of Christ, your husband is still responsible for his choices. He must also some day learn that love is a choice, not always a feeling.

You will never be loved by any human being in the same way you are loved by Christ. Your objective in life is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. You cannot force your husband to love you. That would not be love. But you can love him unconditionally regardless of what you receive in return. It is not easy and that is why you need that support base. I hope this helps.

In His Grip,
Dr. Chuck Betters

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