Encouragement may at times need to be in the form exhortation or correcting. Keep in mind, however, that the purpose of all exhortation, like that of encouragement, is to build up, not tear down. If you are eager to exhort a person, you probably are not the one God is calling to do the job. If there is any hint that your motive is to judge rather than to restore, don't get involved. Attempt exhortation only when God's leading is clear.

1. Submit your own heart to God's exhortation.

Before attempting to restore someone else, make sure you are in a right relationship with God:

Galatians 6:1-5, emphasis added:
Brothers, if someone is caught in sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.  Each one should test his own acts. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load.

Throughout the process of exhortation, ask these two questions: Have I committed this action to the Lord? Am I certain that this is what He wants me to do?

2. Evaluate your relationship with the person.

The word 'brother' in this passage (also in Hebrews 13:22) implies that a relationship is already in place. Have you been an encourager in this person's life? Have you proven your love to her? Are you going to her as a loving sister, knowing that the best thing she can do is confess her sin and receive mercy? Or are you going as a critic who wants to have the pleasure of seeing her squirm? In other words, are you going as a loving friend or as an enemy disguised as a friend?

"Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses"

(Proverbs 27:6).

3. Get the facts.

How many times have you listened to one side of a story and pounced on the supposed offender before hearing his or her side? Getting the facts before drawing a conclusion shows all parties that you believe the best about them. They will know you are trustworthy.

Judgment without a fair hearing is painful, as I have learned through severe church conflict. Whenever I am tempted to judge quickly, I ask, "Do I want to treat someone the way I was treated or do I want to give the benefit of the doubt?" Proverbs 18:13 warns, "She who answers before listening, that is her folly and her shame."

4. Evaluate the facts.

Are you certain that the questionable behavior is sin that needs to be confessed and forsaken? Be certain that the behavior is not a mistake that needs to be covered or a difference of opinion that needs to be ignored. Proverbs 17:9 tells us, "She who covers over an offense provokes love." If the behavior is indeed sin, proceed to step 5. If, however, the woman has simply made a mistake and knows it, there is no reason to point it out to her and the rest of the church or community. Let her learn from the mistake and get on with her life. Also, if she has done something that you don't like but which you cannot honestly classify as sinful, let it rest. Matters of personal preference (e.g., clothes, music, and lifestyle) are often mistaken for matters of righteousness, and these preferences are frequently the root of church conflict. God's Word is our only trustworthy guide.

5. Wait on the Holy Spirit.

Let the Holy Spirit prepare the person to hear the message. While waiting for God's timing, plan your words. Proverbs 25:15 says, "Through patience a ruler can be persuaded." Timing and wording are essential. Remember how Esther in the Old Testament waited for the right moment to expose the planned slaughter of the Jews".

6. Stick to the issue at hand.

Don't allow the person to take you down a rabbit trail that has little to do with the issue. Keep a gentle voice. Don't lose control of your temper. When you are confronting someone about sin, she may be defensive and want to point out your sin. If that happens ask, "Why didn't you approach me with this problem when it happened? If you have a problem with me, I want to hear about it, but that is not the issue at hand." "A gentle tongue can break a bone." (Proverbs 25:15)

7. Remember the purpose of exhortation.

The purpose of exhortation is to guide and restore, not to judge or condemn. God-centeredness is essential. The issue is not the sin between your sister and you but between God and her.

She who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise. She who ignores discipline despises herself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding. (Proverbs 15:31-32)

8. Receive rebuke graciously.

If you are on the receiving end of exhortation, your response should be the same as that of the psalmist:

Let a righteous woman strike me - it is a kindness; let her rebuke me - it is oil on my head. My head will not refuse it. (Psalm 141:5)

The woman best equipped to offer exhortation is the one who humbly welcomes in in her own life.