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Single and (Sometimes) Satisfied
Christi Milligan
Jenna has an advanced college degree, a knack for throwing wonderful dinner parties, and the freedom to see a concert or show at a moment’s notice. The trouble is, sometimes she gets tired of doing these things by herself.
Jenna is single. And at 28, she admits that she sometimes wrestles with the realities of her single life – even the good parts.
“For myself and others I know, there is a great pendulum where we swing from satisfied to searching,” she explains. “At different times, when it suits me, I’m happy and carefree because I can make my own decision, I’m not restricted by someone else’s thoughts and feelings.”
Singleness for the Christian woman means depending on God in a way that many married people don’t. While trusting in His sovereignty in not bringing them that “special someone,” these women must also lean on God to fill that void, and trust in Him for the provisions, strength and wisdom to live on their own.
Not Always Easy
But there are other times when Jenna concedes that the longing to share her life with someone and to build a family leaves a palpable ache, causing her to doubt herself and the future.
“I think being single at 28 has caused me to ask myself on many occasions, ‘Am I lovely, am I worthy?’ At the core of every woman is a deep desire to be loved and cherished, to be romanced and to be pursued in a deep and intimate way. The face of jealousy, despair, agony, fear and heartache surface at different times.
There have been times I didn’t care if I celebrated a friend’s joy in her engagement and have been thankful for the distance between us. At other times, I haven’t quite known how to express happiness when friends have been married five years and are now expecting their second child. I don’t know what that is truly like and my own hope is deferred.”
Danielle also wonders about marriage and family, and like Jenna, longs to Glorify God in the life He’s given her. A 33-year-old professional, she is active in her church and loves the Lord. She admits that she wonders why God has called her to be single for now.
“Sometimes I think it’s because I’m not ready, and then sometimes I think it’s because my husband-to-be is not ready. I look at my schedule, how hectic my life has become and think that maybe it’s me that’s just not ready, maybe I’m getting too set in my ways living alone. Maybe that’s why He brought me a roommate recently. With each step, there is hope that maybe this is the thing that He was waiting for, and NOW I’ll be ready!”
Breadwinner and Shelf-hanger
Both Jenna and Danielle lead very active lives. They are very involved in church ministries and Bible studies and agree that giving their worries to the Lord and confiding in friends have helped them in their times of struggle. As independent women, both own their own homes and bear the fruit and the burden of caring for their homes on their own.
“Bills won’t get paid unless I pay them on my own income,” says Jenna. “Shelves don’t get put up unless I recruit the help of a sympathetic male or learn to use the 18-volt drill myself. “ (She has.)
“I take the garbage out and I hide my own baseball bat under the bed in case the burglar tries to break in,” she adds. “It’s like doing double duty because I also work full-time and try to fit in time to use my God-given talents in hospitality and having people over for dinner. Sometimes, it’s just tiring to have to do it all and it would be nice to have the load shared.”
Single and Crucial to Covenant Family
Seeking to Glorify God, Danielle says that she maintains an active role in her church, including childrens’ ministries.
“I’ve come to realize that even though I don’t have my own children, I am important in the lives of our Covenant children. When they approach me in church just to give me a hug, that’s when I remember that I am impacting children, even if they’re not my own.”
While committed to their Church ministries, Jenna says that one misconception among married Christians is that Singles have more time. She explains that it’s not true, especially since they work and serve God and have responsibilities that need to be accomplished in the same ways but they’re doing it on their own.
While neither Jenna or Danielle know what they future holds, they both say they desire to Glorify God where He has called now. And while they don’t always understand His plan, they trust Him and He’s where they go with their questions and anxieties about being single.
“He is a big God and I believe He wants to hear from me no matter where I am at in life or how I feel about where He has placed me.”
Jenna and Danielle agree that being single does have its advantages – and accepting where God has placed them allows them pursue hobbies and interests and to enjoy His gifts in this “season” of life:
* Find a band of women to enjoy life with– pick up some hobbies, go exploring.
* Find a mentor to whom you can express your frustrations and gain Godly wisdom – someone to hold you accountable.
*Take the time to look inward and to discover those areas of yourself that could be refined or grown.
*Trust in God. Trust that His plan is perfect and ours isn’t.
Jenna’s recommended verses:
Psalm 37:3-8
Trust in the Lord and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give
you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him
and he will do this:
He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret–it leads only to evil.
Psalm 62:5
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.
Danielle’s recommended verses:
Jeremiah 29:11
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with your whole heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.
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