From a message by Norma Conklin, wife of Roger, mother of Kelly, Mark, and Annie, and foster mother of Chelsea. At the time Norma spoke, she was experiencing her husband’s fight to overcome a serious, fast growing cancer. Her husband died two months later. Her forthright, loving, exhortation in the Lord follows. (You can hear more about Norma and Roger’s walk of faith by ordering the CD, Dying with Dignity and Grace.)

Grief(s):
Why does God allow me to be married to an unbeliever, and will it last forever?

Response:
God never promised that every minute, every day of your life would be without troubles. In fact, God promises in James 1:12 that you will experience trials, that you are blessed when you persevere under trial, and that when you have withstood the test, you will receive the crown of life that He gives to those who love him. Sometimes, the loud messages of the world, which tell you that you deserve a happy, fun-filled life, drown out the reality of the pure, quiet, Word of God. But true hope comes only from the Word, which says that despite trials, you can have abundant life here on earth and everlasting life eternally in heaven with Christ. God’s Holy Spirit supernaturally proves these claims when you choose to trust Him, believe His words, and apply them to your life.

Remember that God’s grace is sufficient for you always, and especially during this time when you and your husband are at opposite ends of the spectrum. Remember also the words of Esther 4:14: “And who knows but that you have come to this royal position for such a time as this.” God has called you to be His child, and He will use whatever circumstances He desires to conform you to Jesus, in thought and in deed. God has called you to be a good soldier in a watching world. He wants you to trust Him with your marriage, and to glorify Him and enjoy Him forever. Only God is worthy, and we serve a remarkable God.

Affirm:
God loves you. He loves you with an everlasting love. He has chosen you to be the wife of your husband. You can have a pity party about your circumstances, or you can exercise the faith that God has given you, put your hand in His, and walk with Him on this journey. God gives you daily opportunities to build your faith in Him. When you face these daily challenges, you can choose the natural responses that come from your flesh—anger, impulsive talking, withdrawal and pouting, retaliation—and reap lasting remorse and guilt because of the consequences; or you can choose God’s way of doing things and respond in faith, so that when the big trials and testings come—and they will—you will be able to stand because you have had lots of practice. Your faith will get stronger as you trust Him in the small things, and as you learn this, you will have the faith to trust Him in the larger things.

Trust and accept where He has placed you. Someone has said, “When the master is glorified, the servant is satisfied.” When you glorify God by Gently Radiating a Christlike Example, you are truly fulfilled as a person, in every role God gives you on this earth.

Connect:
Will the circumstances last forever? Forever is a long time, but we need to remember that today could be our forever, that all we have is today. Proverbs 27:1 says that we don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but we do know that God’s principles are constant and that they withstand the measure of time before creation, since creation, and into eternity after we leave this life. God gives us one day at a time, and He wants us to live just for that day, not to “bite off more than we can chew” by worrying about tomorrow.

God wants you to be grateful for the people He puts in your life that He uses to sharpen you to walk in His likeness. Psalm 139: 1-24 says that God has made you and knows every hair on your head. Nothing happens to you that hasn’t gone through Him first. He gives and He takes away. He doesn’t carve out your life and then abandon you. He wants you to honor Him in the moment. Then, peace comes in abundance.

Embrace:
In the July 28th entry of My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers writes, “God is not working toward a particular finish; His end is the process…It is the process, not the end, which is glorifying to God.”

I have been asked, “In the situation you are in, what is the one thing you believe?” This is my answer: The Word has become solid, unshakeable. How? God has poured out His grace. I can despair, or I can choose to believe. My peace comes from knowing that God has planned my life and Roger’s life for the good of His glory and for the edification of the body of Christ. I revel in and find my being in the scripture: “Be still and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10. Each day I wake with the thought, “This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.”

Dawning Light of GRACE: The people (your husband) and circumstances (your marriage) God puts in your life give you opportunities to honor Him and grow into the woman He wants you to be. What you do with those people and circumstances is the difference between despair and peace. You can choose to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and God’s Word, so that you are enabled to be a blessing to your husband. Or, you can give in to your human nature, and react in a manner that satisfies your selfishness. When you recognize God’s blessings in the small things of life, you will come to appreciate that He really does plan things for your good (Jeremiah 29:11), that you have value in the kingdom of God, and that He is solidly and unshakably on your side.

Note: Norma’s husband went home to the Lord on December 16, 2004. The Celebration of His Life was heavily attended at Glasgow Reformed Presbyterian Church in Bear, Delaware, during a brown out, where heat and lighting was provided by generators. A godly reverence prevailed throughout the service. Each family was given a CD, titled, Dying with Grace and Dignity. The CD is an hour long interview conducted by Chuck and Sharon Betters in which Roger and Norma honestly answered hard, intimate questions about what it’s like to live in the context of a terminal illness. Two weeks later Roger crossed from this life in to the presence of God. Roger leaves a legacy of grace and dignity that will be remembered forever.