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Last year we had the privilege of having Dr. Bryan Chapell, President of Covenant Theological Seminary, speak at our annual fundraising banquet. Dr. Chapell did a wonderful job and also recorded several programs with Chuck and Sharon for our In His Grip and Digging Deeper broadcasts. One of the unplanned and unforeseen side effects of this visit was the introduction of his book Each For The Other into our lives. In the time since he left, this book has become a vital and highly recommended part of our church's pre-marital, post-marital and crisis marriage counseling programs. It is truly one of our favorite books on the subject. For this feature article we felt it would be a good opportunity to share with you a review of this book by Rev. Dave Hutchinson, Associate Pastor at Glasgow Reformed Presbyterian Church.

A Review by Rev. Dave Hutchinson of Each for the Other: Marriage As It's Meant to Be, by Bryan Chapell

(Grand Rapids, Michigan: Baker Books. 1998)

Yawn. Another book about marriage. When I saw a row of marriage books on the shelf in the MARK INC Ministries office, I reacted with boredom. I'm a pastor who has read more than a few books about marriage. It's been a privilege to take several couples through pre-marital counseling; it's been a different sort of privilege to help couples with post-marital counseling. And I've tossed quite a few marriage books at people and said, "Here. Read two chapters and call me in the morning."

My opinion was that books about marriage were remarkably similar. Like the difference between Advil and Tylenol or Coke and Pepsi. Every couple of years a new one would come out which was really the old one—just written by a different author with different packaging. All "pretty good" but not one standout.

I looked at the endorsements on the back cover and saw the names of some luminaries there. Jerry Bridges? Oh, I like that guy. R.C. Sproul? Hasn't he written his own book on marriage? He's covered about everything else. Vesta Sproul? R.C.'s wife? Well, there's a novel approach to endorsing a book. Get a theologian AND his wife to say they like it. R. Kent Hughes? I don't think he's Reformed, or is he? S'pose they've got to get a cross-section of people…

It wasn't that I didn't trust the names of those doing the endorsing. But I thought I knew a little bit about the endorsement game and I was still not drawn to Each for the Other, even though my respect for author Bryan Chapell was sky-high.

A few weeks later, a husband came to my office and asked if I knew of any good resources on fostering a godly marriage. I gave him my standard line that the important thing is that husband and wife had a relationship with Christ and that they were digging into the Bible for advice on how to live their lives. I then got Bryan Chapell's book and said, "This will work as good as anything. I haven't read it yet, but the author is a good man. And the endorsements on the back cover are credible. Read this with your wife and tell me what you think."

A week later, I heard a glowing review of the early chapters of Each for the Other. A little voice in my head was accusing me of dispensing marriage help for others, while it had been too long since my own wife and I had taken a deliberate, evaluative look at our marriage. I asked Paula if she would like to start reading this book with me and discuss our marriage in light of Biblical principles. (This seemed like a good thing to do at the time, even though our sixteen-year marriage seemed good, unthreatened in this culture of divorce). She answered with more eagerness than I expected that she would love to do this.

Our method is to read a chapter each week on our own, underlining significant passages, drawing question marks or exclamation points in the margin, and recording our thoughts—in short, to interact with the book. Then we come together at a pre-arranged time to discuss what we're reading, particularly as it relates to our own marriage.

Each for the Other begins with a great introduction: "Who’s in Charge?" The premise for the book is given in this section, along with enough hooks to make the reader want to dive into the rest of the information. Then Chapell begins with "The Sacrificial Husband." I took three chapters worth of licks here—and was glad when chapter 4 began a section on "The Sacrificial Wife." Finally, Chapell included chapters on being parents, living together in society, and living together forever.

Paula and I were given a forum in which to discuss our marriage. I can ask, "In light of this chapter on servant leadership, how do you think I'm doing?" Or we can discuss the word "submit" from Ephesians. It's a safe place in which to bring things up, particularly shortcomings. (A warning to you wives, though: if you are tempted to use the first section as a club to pound your husband, read the next section before you choose that approach.) I find that I look forward to getting the kids to bed and settling in beside Paula on the couch so we can discuss "the state of the union."

If asked for a back-cover endorsement for this book, I would recommend it for its thoroughness, for its unapologetic view of the Author of the Bible as the architect for marriage, and for the many down-to-earth illustrations that Chapell gives to illustrate Biblical truth. (It's not for nothing that Bryan Chapell is best known as a preacher's preacher).

Why should you get a copy of this book? Because your wife (or your husband--or your future spouse) will benefit from your interest in working to improve your marriage. Because God will be glorified as people see your marriage giving honor to Him as you and your spouse honor each other. Because this book is easy to read, yet challenging at the same time. It holds your interest without being over your head. Each for the Other avoids so many clichés that plague other marriage books. Rather than providing a formula for success, this book directs the reader to principles that under gird the institution of marriage.

Thank you, Bryan Chapell for being used by God to help make me a better husband. Thank you for the way this has affected my wife, my children, and even my congregation. To God be the glory.

Have you read this wonderful book by Dr. Chapell? If so please let us know by sending your comments to Comments@MARKINC.org . We would love to hear from you. For those of you who have not read this book, it is available at fine book sellers everywhere as well as the MARKINC ministries resource center.