My Cry for Help
by Jan Dravecky, Guest Writer
Listen, God! Please pay attention! Can you make sense of these ramblings, my groans and cries? King-God, I need your help.
Psalm 5:1-2 (The Message)
I have struggled off and on with depression all of my adult life. For years now I have pleaded with God to remove this “thorn in my flesh.” After years of counseling and many attempts to get off my antidepressant I had resigned myself to the fact that this was the way I was wired and it was a burden that I would forever bear till I meet Jesus on the other side.
I thought I could maintain status quo and get by but my issues have worsened over the years. I have always known that I was a flaming people-pleasing codependent but I did not realize how that had eroded me spiritually, physically and emotionally. It had reared its ugly head in my relationship with God and family – leaving me empty inside – not knowing who I truly was – causing me to turn to addiction to numb my pain – not God.
What I am so elated over is that God has not left me here in my state of despair. While I am still in the midst of my healing and discovery, I now know that He who began a good work in me will see it through to the day of completion. (Philippians 1:6) For the first time in a long time, my hope has been restored.
He has heard my prayer and blessed me with a wonderful, understanding and patient husband, an insightful and wise counselor and wonderfully supportive friends. Another layer of the onion is being peeled and hopefully, the root of codependency is being pulled out – I am still in the process – the process is painful but it is worth it.
I now pray…
Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I’m about;
See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong –
then guide me on the road to eternal life.
Psalm 139:23-24 (The Message)
On the journey with you,
Jan Dravecky is the wife of former San Francisco Giants baseball pitcher, Dave Dravecky. Together, Jan and Dave founded the Endurance ministry (endurance.org), created specifically to encourage those who are facing serious illness, loss or depression.
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